Assumptions
People often think odd things at you, and then sometimes, they even say them out loud.
From 2010, some of my favorite assumptions:
No. 1: Standing in an elevator in Santa Monica yesterday, looking quite pretty.
Guys In Elevator: Hey, are you French?
Me: No. But thanks for thinking so!
No. 2: On the phone with an author, who I've never met in real life.
Author: [in a way that was contextually relevant to the conversation] I mean what do you look like? 5' 4" and blonde?
Me: No.... 5' 8" and brunette.
Author: [somewhat disappointed] Oh.
No. 3: Upon return from Japan, in a martial arts studio.
Instuctors: So where are you from?
Me: SoCal.
Instructors: No, we mean where did you grow up?
Me: [confused] 10 minutes from here?
Instructors: Oh! We thought you were British or something.
No. 4: Guys in a sushi shop, also upon my Japanese return.
Guys: Wow! So you speak Japanese. Do you speak any other languages?
Me: Spanish I suppose.
Guys: Wow! Were you like your high school valedictorian or something?
Me: [laughing]
No. 5: On the swings at a park with a friend; we are both college-aged.
Her & Me: [swinging]
Concerned parent: Um.... Where are your kids?
Her & Me: ???????????
Concerned parent: [more concerned] Where are your kids?!
Her & Me: [in our heads] Nonexistant?
No. 6: At a concert with a friend and my sister, seated behind some stoned people.
Stoned people: Woah, are you girls triplets?
Us: No.....
Stoned people: [about my sister & I] Then you two must be twins.
Sister & I: Sure......
Stoned people: Are you paternal or fraternal twins?
Us: Say what?
Stoned people: [petulantly] You know paternal OR fraternal?
Hilarious. You all got any?